Do I Have A Drinking Problem

I am a drinker of frenzy. I work the night shift all week and when Friday comes and I get off work all I do until Sunday night / Monday morning is drink. I eat a little, do not sleep and drive. Someone else has a drinking problem?

* Laughs a little * Naw, I find very easy to clean ...
But a good friend passed this to me, all thought you might enjoy a piece about drinking problems. * Wink *

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: bladder control incorrect.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: The opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to the bar.

SYMPTOM: The mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See, above.

SYMPTOM: Beer
tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to the toilet, the practice in the mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are in progress.
ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman at home by taxi.

SYMPTOM: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks to you and laughs.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy research.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
FAULT: It's water. Someone is trying to sober up.
ACTION: Punch.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You've been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case they were.

SYMPTOM: Do not recognize anyone, do not recognize the room you are in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOMS: Your voice is distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too low.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Do not remember the words of the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: The cold and unable to unlock the door of hotel room.
FAULT: woke up in a hotel room, got up to go to the bathroom and chose
wrong door.
ACTION: hitting hard on the door to wake sleeping wife. If that fails,
find hotel workers to unlock the door for you.

Nope drinking problem ... not at all ..

pop up ...
fill the glass ...
wear lipstick ...
SIP ... swallow.

Nope, everything looks good here.

"Burp" Excuse me "

The only problem I have is that I only have two hands