Beer Drinking Shirts

Whether one is "Shipwrecked" or just "wrecked", perhaps the following words of wisdom could help stay at or near the surface.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: bladder control incorrect.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


SYMPTOM: The opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Did you set the bar.

SYMPTOM: The mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See, above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to the toilet, the practice in the mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are in progress.
ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar.


SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
FAULT: It's water. Someone is trying to sober up.
ACTION: strike.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You've been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case they were.

SYMPTOM: Do not recognize anyone, do not recognize the room you are in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOMS: Your voice is distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too low.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Do not remember the words of the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

LOL! This is the funniest thing I read in a long long time. I hope that I can print it because it's a keeper.

Too funny Thanks for sharing. :)

LMAO thank you I hope I can remember all this.

If only I had known ... This may have contributed to this evening .. I just came back from the pub ... Hips!

symtom: you can hear the furious cries and feel a pressure on the back
fault: you're in the bathroom badly
Action: Complete and leave your urine

Symptom: your face is stuck in your glass
fault: you drink from a pitcher almost empty
Action: slurp up the last lift and Offa your cup so that the waitress is giving full

Symptom: yer gal is givin 'you a hard, cold shoulder
fault: you slipped on the floor and head against the knee of a person
Action: ask someone to hand is a bottle to use as leverage ... it is empty first

e-mail is not that great

lol .. it me

rofl! this is my new bible is drinking, I'll take with me to every bar. thank you!

your advice frankly genius came about 4 hours too late

exellent

I am currently drinking beer right now and everthing is the correct angle to this day! I do not sing anything and the whole family feels very good about themselves.

Yeah great innit, lol I'l have Ginis

too bad i cannot fit.